Saturday, April 16, 2011

Hooked on blog ranking, that's 'ranking', with an r...

Am 20 posts down. 

When I started this blog, it was to get my lazy arse seated at a desk and feral fingers disciplined and tapping at a keyboard.  Essentially it was to instil the scribe habit.  I was/am doing it for noone but myself.  It has no theme - neither misery nor comic - nor is particularly practical, any one of which one has come to expect from a blog.  It is merely stream of consciousness random babbling and utterly pointless blah.

Like most things in life started with good intentions, I fully expected my interest to wane and this little project, like so many before it, to fizzle and die relatively young in the tooth. 
But then I discovered a whole new dimension behind web logs that I hadn't realised existed. One that keeps the blogger blogging, checking in, contributing.... 

It's the stats.  Don't be alarmed, but I can see who's read me, and where.   Not who precisely of course - no names, urls or any personal stuff, but what country the blog's been accessed from, what device has been used, and interestingly, which key search words browsers have tapped in to lead to little ol' moi.

Obviously, the vast majority of those who have arrived at chasing the plot will have done so by accident, chasing one or other comedy, misery, practicality scribblings aforementioned, or more likely, tittilation, only to be bitterly disappointed at finding the mad mutterings of a mid-life critical female country dweller.

they will doubtless not make the mistake of 'opening me up' (is that blog speak?) again, but tis interesting never the less.  In the three months I've been posting I've been 'picked up' (maybe that is) in singapore, ukraine, iran, the philippines, brazil, canada, as well as of course the usual US, UK, Germany, France euro states etc

I can see which of my posts are the most 'popular' by which I mean accessed the most, as opposed to liked... and based on this can categorically declare that that the predominant driver (not tech speak in this case) fuelling all those sticky search engines dotted across the globe is, you guessed it, porn.

the tatler post is the current leader, notching up over the twice the pageviews of its closest rival.  This it seems, is because it mentions Tatler's 'prettiest school girls'feature..oops, I've done it again (watch the pageviews mount.  Hmm, mount.. that'll doubtless bring a couple in).  It's all about search engine optimisation.  Following some way behind (behinds) Tatler is surprise, surprise, Brazilian Warning, about waxing, that is complete depilation of women's pubic hair - that's pubic. hair. women. you see what I'm doing here...? 

and then some way beneath the pornographers come the techies - the ipad posts are coming in at third and fourth most stumbled upon plot-chasing posts, and then it's the girlie magazine stuff - eyebrows, fight the drab/glamour chasing (girlie and glamour, sorry can't help myself). The rest of my ramblings are like the long-odd contenders, stragglers  in the Grand National, huddled, bumping and stumbling over Beechers Brook only to unseat rider and trot leisurely, and rather late, over the finishing line.

All in all, it gives one an insight.  If i'm to achieve world domination (that's domination..) and have all the countries coloured in on my little blog map i must insert, erm, and I apologise profusely for this, wank words into each and every post.  Or indeed any that could be construed as such.  Which clearly seems to be pretty much every other word in the English language. 

I shall report back on just how well this post does as part of my experiment - note labels below...

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